Summarizing, Reflections and Aspirations

It's been weeks since i came home from Denmark.  Getting off the plane in Chicago was a trip in itself.  Hearing the strange, yet familiar voices and even more strangely alien accents.  I had heard them dozens of times before-- on tv, in person, on the phone and in movies.  Something just felt off.  After a month and a half of living in Scandinavia, everything seems bizarre.  The air smells different, feels different.  you can even feel everyone around you.  It's all so busy.  It didn't take me long to realize that i was experiencing a form of reverse culture shock.  I remember when my dad dropped me off at the airport how scared i was to be going so far away on my own.  I actually started crying a little bit.  The TSA woman in Lambert thought i was acting unhappy for someone who was going to Denmark.  The plane took off and there was no going back, no more reason to be scared--There's no crying in baseball, so there surely isn't any such thing in traveling.  16 hours and 2 extra flights later, I arrived in Copenhagen, in one piece, exhausted yet extremely excited about the new sounds, smells, and sights.  Foreign airports alone are intensely interesting places.  The people were all smiling and courteous, forgiving me for my ignorance and helping me to survive the perilous last leg of my journey.

I started this trip years ago, in my mind when i first attended NCECA.  In my head, it was an exotic place i knew really nothing about other than where it was and that it was an amazing opportunity.  I knew i wanted to go, but i never thought the occasion would actually arise.  It was a table with a white cloth and brochures and smiling faces behind it.  Now, I spend every day thinking about the trip: the experiences I had, the people I met, the way in which it changed my work, and how all of it changed me as a person.  I went there scared and alone, afraid that I would mess up everything and the streak of bad luck in the studio would continue.  I left feeling sad that i was leaving so many wonderful friends, but feeling great because i met all of them.  For a month and a half, I worked with these people, made dinner once a week for all of them, sat down to dinner with them every night, watched movies in the library, shared wine and cheese and exchanged stories and food from our lives back home.  Together, we went to town to shop for groceries, second hand treasures, pastries, and to explore.  They became my family and that quiet little scandinavian town became our home. 

I spent about 2 days handbuilding a sculpture before it died.  I reclaimed the rich red clay and made a decision to throw it on the wheel and let the environment i was in influence the outcome.  The fog was so thick, water fell from the trees.  In the distance there were the smoke stacks of the brewery chugging away.  The environment you work in truly does inspire your work.  I threw a cylinder, started pushing, poking and pulling.  I was a machine.  I made almost an entire table set for two.  It wasn't what I came there to make.  I didn't think i could do what i intended to in such a short time.  Fortune smiled on us all, and due to a miscommunication, we had one of our guest artists come extremely early.  Talking to Richard Launder was an amazing experience.  It changed the course of my work for the rest of the time, as well as my construction methods.  I cleaned everything and started throwing porcelain and began the painful process of learning to think and build in a way previously alien to me--the results of which were a dramatic improvement to the sculpture i had handbuilt previously.  

Going to Denmark has done so much for me.  It's helped me grow as an artist as well as a person.  I spend every day treasuring the relationships i have here in the states, as well as wondering how everyone else is back in europe.  I look forward to the future, where I'll end up next, what kind of adventures are waiting for me, and who i'm going to meet while i'm there.  I am more whole, more optimistic, and entirely sure of how i want to live my life.  I left scared and came back reinvented, reborn and rejuvenated-- unafraid of what is to come and ready to live.  I've taken so much from the people I met and the experience of being at Guldagergaard, it just seems impossible to live the way i was beforehand.  To anyone out there thinking about applying for Project Network, or even a resident artist program at Guldergergaard:  Don't think twice about it.  It's worth every penny you spend and more. 



I was inspired to write this entry due to terrible news I received this morning in my email.  Among the people I met was a wonderful English woman named Liz Krcma.  Liz was a hilarious and cheerfully outspoken lady.  I enjoyed her company very much while she was at Guldagergaard.  She had suffered a stroke about 3 years ago, had to relearn how to do everything, and bravely returned to ceramics and used the clay as a medium to tell her story.  She came to Skaelskor for a residency, and ended up moving into a flat in town with her Danish boyfriend Henning.  She had found a studio to keep working in up the street from her new flat.  She had another stroke 5 days ago, and died in the hospital surrounded by her family and friends yesterday.  She was an amazing and brave woman with a spunk and zest for life that inspires me every day.  She understood she had limitations, but kept pushing ahead regardless and was still living as amazing of a life as she was before her original stroke.  She had no regrets and didn't feel sorry for herself.  I can only aspire to have the grit that woman had, and I'm extremely thankful for knowing someone that strong and wonderful and having her as a friend.  Rest in peace, and forever live in our memories.

Liz's website

le sigh

I have been super busy trying to get everything together for the end of this week.  in an attempt to refire my functional ware to a slightly higher temperature to get it a little more vitrified, i came into the kiln room to discover that the kiln was no longer on, as well as 2 other kilns.  i checked and flipped the fuse back to the on position, but it was still too hot to open.  so this morning, i was finally able to open it only to see the pots had semi collapsed and turned almost black.  there are no longer bubbles in the glaze, but the idea of it being usable is no longer valid.  It's actually kind of interesting.  i'm not really upset, but i'm not really happy either.  there's no real feeling of serendipity.  i think i'm more irritated than anything.  at least i'll save $ on shipping, seeing as i'll only be sending back a plate and a pitcher.  sad face.  i have such awful luck with firing.  on the plus side, at least i have pictures documenting what they looked like before the final firing.  i was joking with some of the girls about possibly displaying it anyway and giving them different titles like, "the last supper" and "burnt toast".  they have a nice sculptural feel, even more so than before.  it's too late to make more, so i'm not going to get upset about it, just find a way to embrace it. 

thanksgiving in denmark

Me and Marvin!

It's 3:21am here, i just came back from working in the studio and am now in my jammies enjoying a cup of well deserved tea.  it was a very busy day today.  i woke up a little late, so i had no time to go into the studio until around 10pm.  i spent all day cooking thanksgiving dinner with marianna, meaghan and wenda.  I knew we were getting a turkey, but when i looked out on the back patio this morning, there was a white bag with turkey legs sticking out.  The turkey came, minus its head and feathers.  it still had everything else.  there wasn't really anyone else in the kitchen involved in cooking but meaghan and me.  meaghan didn't seem like she was okay with it, so i googled how to gut a turkey, suited up and went in for the kill.  i spent about an hour with that turkey spread eagle in a pan.  I decided to name it after it was cleaned up.  He was called, Marvin.  I figured after an hour like that, we should be on a first name basis.  He was delicious about 5 hours later, and we all gave thanks to poor Marvin before we cut his 7 kilo delicious self into pieces. 

Marvin!  NOOOOOO!

spread it on!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!

green bean casserole on the left, scalloped potatoes on the right.  extra stuffing in between. 

The dinner itself was amazing.  Marianna made bread and from scratch pumpkin pies, Wenda made from scratch cranberry sauce, Meaghan and I collaborated on some from scratch stuffing with cran raisins pine nuts and some wine, I made a from scratch green bean casserole and scalloped potatoes, and Meaghan watched over and took care of Marvin and made a squash dish and some apple pies and prepared peas.  Erna also made a yummy salad that had grapes, apples, sour cream and whipped cream.  the whole thing was sooo yummy.  It was awesome to show everyone what an american thanksgiving is like.  Everyone was amazed at how much food there was.

After dinner was over, i wondered into the studio to get my glaze on.  i was there from about 10 till 40 minutes ago.  it's been a very long day, but an extremely awesome one at that.

Skol!

marvin!  NOOOO!!!

work and thanksgiving

sculpture i'm working on

     I finished the top of the piece i'm working on.  I've been noticing that i get really tired when i work on it for more than 4 hours at a time.  by the time i stop working and look around at everyone else in the studio, i just don't feel the energy or the focus to properly communicate.  it's like i'm too focused for way too long.  I'm still waiting for this kiln i fired to cool off enough to open it.  it's a huge tease to have it say 200, since it's in centigrade and not fahrenheit.  it's stalled out around 150 for a few hours now and i'm getting impatient.  I have to reload it tomorrow for a glaze firing and i still have to put black slip on the ware and glaze it.

the whole house has this nice bacon scent going on.  Liz's boyfriend Henning is preparing us a nice Danish christmas meal.  It's duck with prunes, pork, caramelized potatoes, boiled potatoes, gravy, red cabbage, and almond pudding with cherry sauce for desert.  it smells great.  The other american girls thought it'd be fun to make thanksgiving food tomorrow.  We're expecting a 7 kilo turkey to arrive at some point in the day.  I looked up how to make green bean casserole without having cambells soup, a recipe for scalloped potatoes, and a recipe for stuffing.  It's going to be a busy day.  i'm going to have to stay up and get all my glazing done tonight.

A photographer is supposed to show up later in the week to photograph the work we have, green or fired.  i'm hoping to have my sculptural piece ready by then, at least ready to fire.  yesterday was the 3 week marker.  3 more weeks here in lovely denmark.



skol!

it's been a while

After many nights of randomly getting together in the kitchen and having late night cheese and wine binges, we finally proposed an official wine and cheese night.  We all brought a cheese, some wine, and some crackers.  We had invited Donato to dinner since he has been bringing us fruit.  he showed up yesterday around lunch with a bunch of boxes of pre sliced melon (which went well with cheese/wine night).  There were all sorts of cheeses: goat cheese, brie, gorganzola, gouda with chilis, incredibly smelly cheese-- it was a smorgasbord.  We started off a little early around 8:00, and it went until late in the night. I really want to do this again back in the states, even if it's just 2 cheeses, a bottle of wine and one friend.  It's an adventure in taste and good conversation.

I went to the second hand store again to see if they got anything new and because they're having a half-off christmas sale.  I scored myself another plate for my collection of kitchen plates.  This one is all black and has the latin title of skaelskor on it.  i looked up what it said, and after a little sleuthing, i've come to the conclusion that it's commemorating the unification of skaelskor as a town under queen agnes.  It's made by the same person that made this other plate i got a week ago that commemorates the 25th anniversary of a union here in skaelskor.  i'd say i've landed some pretty sweet souvenirs considering there's not really anywhere around here to buy such things.  I'm pumped about having danish plates for the kitchen wall.  So far, I have Chile, Seoul, Panama, Nicaragua, Paris, Turkey, Greece, bunches of Italian plates from a few regions, and now Denmark.  My kitchen is slowly becoming a tour of the world.        

 

"S. Civitatis: Schelveschore"

I also found and purchased a set of 12 tea spoons (tiny little spoons, not measuring spoons) with a checkered pattern on their handles.  I've wanted a set of these since i first saw them in Italy.  I really liked the design, and the price was right.  Most of the stuff in the thrift stores here is insanely cheap. 

I've been working a lot recently, thus the lack of bloggery.  I'm starting to get to the top of my sculpture.  I'm hoping that i'll get it sealed off tomorrow so I can let it set up and build the bottom the next day and get to the detail work.  I'm planning on high firing it in oxidation in hopes that it will be easier on the clay and prevent cracking and slumping.  I've already gotten my test of the earthenware bisqued and it's in the test kiln right now with some clear glaze on half of it.  I brushed on and sponged off black slip on half of the tile to see if it will add more depth to the color of the clay when fired to temp.  I decided to go with the matte clear glaze as well--it's shiny enough to appeal to my inner raccoon and dull enough to keep me from going insane looking at it.  I have a general idea on how i want to glaze the earthenware, but no solid plan as of yet.  i'm going to make the final decision when the test comes out.  I had to have Anna help me program the kiln because the controller was entirely in Danish and i had never even seen or used a controller like it.

I'm loading my first bisque with a few other people tomorrow.  hopefully that kiln won't be so hard to figure out.  I keep getting confused by the temperatures because i'm not used to working in Celsius.  At least cones are universal, haha.       

Day two of attempting to make sculpture from thrown parts.  I smashed everything i made today and decided that the stoneware reclaim was not accommodating my needs.  i'm going to have to take back the 2 bags i got today.  it was REALLY groggy...  my hands are now very smooth from throwing with it.  I saved this weird thing i made because it was too interesting to throw out.  perhaps i'll fire it and leave it as a vase here--it's not worth bringing home with me.  I got really frustrated to the point where i just had to stop and leave the studio.  i didn't want to make a bad vibe for everyone else.  I went back to the house, showered, laid down for a half hour, got up and made myself a 3-egg omelet, ate half a bar of chocolate, and decided to go back to the studio and clean my space and all of my tools off.  I got a bag of royal copenhagen porcelain and threw a large and lumpy cylinder with it.  it's been over a year since i've thrown porcelain.  i missed the buttery quality of it, how it likes to move...  sigh--i missed it.  i have an idea for tomorrow on a different approach to working.  i may have to make some sort of temporary armature, but i think it will work.   i have an idea of what i want in my head, i just really hated the stoneware clay.  I couldn't carve it at all due to the high amount of grog in it.  i've always kind of hated this type of stoneware.  it's what i learned to throw with, but it's not something that makes me feel nostalgic.  i've always had better results with other types of clay (with the type of work that i make).  maybe at some point i'll learn to love it, but i am not having any second thoughts about rejecting it while i'm here. 

I was very angry and frustrated earlier.  as i was walking back to the house, i thought about the other times when i felt this way while working and remembered that those are the times when i finally had a break through.  i just have to keep pushing on and good things will happen.  Tom Muir came to do a workshop for the metals department at SIUE while i was there and talked about the frustration his students have when learning how to do things or when they're having trouble with their projects.  his response to this was to say that it's just a piece of metal-- you're better than it, so why let it make you angry?  Clay is the same way.  I can do this, i just have to retrain my mind.  After a point, I would get tired of throwing pots all the time.  Learning how to use the wheel for sculptural purposes would probably inform my way of working with pots as well.  I know that all of the hand building i've done in the last year certainly has.  I can't expect to learn Danish in a day, and i can't expect to automatically know how i'm going to do this in one either.  I have a good feeling about the days to come.

Other happier mentions for the day:
We had a really good curry dinner tonight, courtesy of the lovely Wenda and majestic Marianna.  Chicken curry, vegetable curry, home made naan, and basmati rice.  We had a movie tonight as well: The last days of Anne Frank.  It's actually quite interesting watching a movie about the holocaust while in europe.  there's a detachment from it that I have due to my being raised in the states.  It's entirely different.  Liv was telling us about how her grandparents nearly lost everything that they had because they were part of the resistance against the nazis.  It feels like a direct contrast to how people in the states hardly ever mention pearl harbor anymore.  It makes me feel very disconnected to our own history.

It's never a good idea to leave a giant bar of dark chocolate within reach of your laptop.  thought i'd mention that.

the nightlife of skaelskor...

I was invited by Liz and her local boyfriend, Henning, to go out for his birthday last night.  We went to the Hit Club, which was in the basement of an old municipal building.  i don't understand why, but the skaelskor night spots love to be well lit.  it's like hanging out in your parents' basement, you can see everyone and everything and there's no mystery.  Besides that, most of the people in the bars look like they're either 15 or in their 40's.  i suspect a lot of the people closer to my age must have left to go to copenhagen long ago.  It's so off putting to be in such a well lit place when you're used to bars being loud, dark places.

I ended up meeting an Irish guy from Derry, named Connor, and we talked about politics and religion and generally chewed the fat.  Him and the group he was with are here in Denmark for 3 weeks as a part of a college project.  they actually played as a band for the bar (they're music students).  He gave me a bracelet made of stones that had little lacquered-on pictures of the virgin mary, then later he gave me his other bracelet, which was a rubber "1Life" bracelet, like the live-strong bracelet things back in the states.  I asked him about the bracelet with mary, because he just randomly put it on my wrist.  he said it brought him comfort, so i tried to give it back, but he said he didn't need it anymore.  he was a lot of fun to talk to.  It was interesting to hear his interpretation of the protestant-catholic war and how he felt about it.

Today, i cleaned my bathroom and the room i'm staying in--swept and mopped the floors, opened the windows to let the fresh air in.  it was a very nice day, cold but a tolerable kind of cold.  I figured i'd go ahead and get it done before meaghan comes back.  it'll be a nice surprise for her.

I helped make dinner again last night.  My partner, Anna, made lentil soup and home made buns, and i made a huge pot of cabbage.  It was great that we had so much food, because our guest artist Richard Launder showed up a few weeks early.  We all signed up for meeting times to discuss our work with him.  I've never had such an amazing talk with a visiting artist before.  He was so insightful and would glean so much from listening to me talk.  He understood what i was talking about, and just had a million different suggestions about all of it.  They weren't suggestions like, "i think your work could be better if you changed how this looked", but more like he listened to my complaints about working and started suggesting alternate methods of how to get what i want.  I didn't have to feel like i was ashamed of using my personal vocabulary when talking about my work-- he understood and actually enjoyed it.  As of tomorrow, i'm going to get another type of clay, and start throwing pieces to create sculpture with.  I hadn't really considered it as an option because the other times i had done it, it just looked crappy.  Talking with Richard reminded me that it was because i was still stuck thinking like a potter, and that i need to think about the wheel as a sculptural tool, not a tool to make finished pieces.  I had the same issues to get around when i first started making handbuilt sculptures--i kept making flat bottoms, but since i had to keep working in that vain, i figured out a solution to get 3d forms.  I just have to wrap my mind around the idea of making individual components to create a whole composition.

We also talked about art destruction theory by gustav metzger, which apparently is the root of people smashing guitars on stage.  Apparently, Pete Townshend was in a class in college with Metzger as his teacher, thus why he smashed his guitar on stage.  i was completely unaware of the theory. 

Dinner tonight is wild hare.  I've never had it before, and it was great watching Melina carve up the hares.  They still had their tails!  a few pieces of shot fell out while she was carving the second hare, so i'm going to have to be easy about chewing it to avoid breaking a tooth.  It smells awesome, and has been cooking all day.  She soaked it in milk over night, i'm assuming to help ease the gamey taste.

until next time.

UPDATE:  I found one vertebrae and one buck-shot pellet tonight during dinner (which was amazingly tasty), and Richard had his lecture tonight, which was amazing as well.  besides ceramics, he does gorilla performance art as well as recorded performance art.